Professional Basketball Club and Seattle Supersonics were officially married March 5. Commissioner David Stern officiated over the betrothal at the National Basketball Orifices in New York City.
The bride, 41, who goes by the name Sonics, is an NBA team born and bred in Seattle, Washington. She is changing her name to the Oklahoma City Dorchesters (or some such moniker). Friends have already begun simply calling her The Dorks. She is the daughter of Sumi and C. Ya Later of Lower Queen Anne, a neighborhood reliant on her in Seattle but will make her future home in Oklahoma City.
The bridegroom, 3, is an LLC created exclusively to steal a team from another city. His parents are Greed E. and Covett Stature of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.
The couple met after PBC courted and dated Sonics' sister New Orleans Hornets. PB kindly offered Hornets a place to live following the catastrophic Hurricane Katrina disaster. Hornets returned home but PB fell in love with the seductive perfume of hardwood and sweat that all the sisters proudly wear. Believing Sonics was in danger of becoming homeless or bankrupt, PB kindly offered housing and care. After first resisting, they emailed each other for months, before meeting over Starbucks with a mutual friend, who worked at the coffee company.
PB and Sonics carried on a long-distance relationship for several years, but acquaintances were certain PB would eventually steal her away to his hometown of Oklahoma City. True to that belief, PB convinced friends to finance a huge house for Sonics and then waved the marital papers in front of her Emerald City friends as proof that he could pull up the moving trucks and steal her away into the night. Despite appeals, the governor declined to interfere with the extradition. Many others from Seattle are happily planning the couple a good bye and good riddance party. Details yet to come.
The bridegroom's previous lust for Hornets was annulled. Sonics has two children, Wheedle and Squatch, who will remain behind.
(Minimal liberties were taken in using this form of commentary and criticism. No orcas were hurt.)
